TheOnlyDifferenceBetweenMartyrdomAndSUICIDEIsPressCoverage

Sometimes you just can't explain what's wrong with you..Something damn really happened..You can feel it,but you can't realize what that.What kind of stupid if you don't know this feeling..omg...I just can't believe in it...In spite of on anything...sry...this is REAL emptyness in head...I am drawning in my tears...in my feelings, in my fears..but I'm not scared to die..the only thing that makes me cry is YOU...I'm helpless in the face of the fact...that somebody in this world just needs my help..only one...But I can't wait him for eternity..I'm not immortal...So...maybe I can wait him THERE...cause difference between HERE and THERE - my pain...So I just haven't a choice...And I pray to you..I swear to not forget you in this minute...Memory 4ever...
You can't imagine what I feel..
You think I hate you..but you're wrong
Just understand that death is real
I'm scared to lose you, be alone
I'm full of tears by you, but I
Can't weep away them, just can't speak
Your prickly words hurt wings to fly
I can't be strong, I'm done, I'm weak
You think i'm empty..maybe now
I'm really empty..not alive
Already dead, already knife
Have touched my veins, already blood
Have washed my words for you...

What's the point in living? Why make people suffer and live such a crap life... why couldn't I just not be here at all?

I'm 14 years old. And I have nothing, other than a few decent friends (You mean the world to me <33) and a family who are okay when they choose to be. I have no real achievements, nothing to be proud of, nobody that loves me or who I can love, nothing to look forward to. I hate myself, inside & outside. I'm a horrible person, I'm shy and sometimes just feel like dying because of it =[ 'cause it's just bringing me down. I find it easier to shut up and say nothing, than embarass myself. I know i shouldn't care what people think of me, but I can't help it. I suppose I'm just really sensitive... and basically feel that i have nobody to support me, nobody to laugh insults off with, for example... if i get called something at school, my 'friends' *cough, cough* will laugh at me too, then say they were only messing around. Yeah right. My real friends would understand and notice if I was upset. Shame i only get to see them once a week. *Cries*

Oh well, I'll wait for loads of comments like

"Shut up, you stupid bitch, everybody hates you."

OR

"I'm not surprised nobody loves you."

Well neither am I.
[x]

I’m sitting in the empty room…
I’m crying, I’m alone…
I’m tired from these “real” friends, whom
Don’t wanna see no more…
My all thoughts only about you…
My minds are flying out from earth…
I wipe my love into your soul…
I carry my heart into yours...

Forgive me please if I was wrong
And didn’t answer for my words
Believe me please I just was scared
I thought, I live just for my own…
My life is full of shit ant dirt…
Of blood that I can’t wash away…
You won’t forgive and this last note
And this last shot and this last pain…
[xx]

You lost in the ocean of your broken heart
Of hope…that slice’ your soul…
Of love…that falls apart…
There’s only crying sky
There’s only naked mirror’s
But wings crash chance to fly
They’re cuted by your fears…
And heart-rending scream inside of your soul
And huge bleeding hole instead of your heart
And cold bricks of ice instead of your eyes
Don’t keep for you damnation and redemption…
These names on the walls have written by blood
These trace on the floor were left by the God
It’s hard to believe …this place were heaven thrice
In times of the births, the deaths and the lies…
[xxx]

DRAMA DORK--
[ ] Ever been in a play?
[ ] More than 10 Broadway shows?
[ ] Have you ever been/Are you in school shows?
[ ] Does your current job involve theater in some way?
[ ] Want to end up working in/for theater
[ ] Can you recite all of the lyrics to your favorite play/musical?
[ ] Do you break out into random songs whenever/wherever?
Total [0]

--REDNECK--
[ ] Do you have a couch in your front yard or porch?
[ ] Do you drive a four-wheeler?
[ ] Do you ride four-wheelers?
[x] Do you like to get dirty in mud?
[ ] Do you have a broken car in your backyard?
[ ] Do you own a cowboy hat?
[ ] Do you live on more then 1 acre?
[ ] Do you have more then 4 different animals at your home?
Total [1]

--GOTH--
[x] Do you wear black eyeliner?
[x] Is most of your clothing dark?
[x] Do you think about death?
[x] Do you want to die?
[x] Are you a social outcast?
[ ] Are you pale?
[x] Do you like Hot Topic?
[x] Do you enjoy Tim Burton movies?
[x] Are you mean sometimes?
Total [8]

--SKATER/PUNK--
[ ] Can you skateboard?
[x] Do you wear Vans/Emerica/Etnies/any skate shoe?
[x] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?
[x] Do you watch the x-games? [Sometimes - Extreme Sports Channel]
[ ] Do you have any piercings? [Ears but I guess that doesn't count. I did have my lip pierced but not any more]
[ ] You wear a mohawk?
[x] Do you wear Band T-shirts
[x] Have you called someone a poser recently?
Total [5]

--PREP--
[ ] Do you say the word "like"?
[ ] Do you shop at Hollister/Abercrombie & Fitch
[ ] Do you pop the collar?
[ ] Do the people in Hot topic scare you?
[ ] Is the only nerd you like Seth Cohen? [Ewww.]
[ ] Do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?
[ ] Do you like pop music?
[x] Do you have a dog?
Total [1]

--HIPPIE--
[ ] Is your hair long?
[ ] Do you own a tye-dye shirt?
[ ] Do you want to save the animals?
[x] Do you think war is unnecessary?
[ ] Do you like classic rock and trippy music?
[ ] Have you ever participated in a protest?
[ ] have you ever been overcome with a desire to hug a tree?
Total [1]

--GANGSTA--
[ ] Have you lived in the ghetto?
[ ] Do you wear do-rags?
[ ] Do you like hip-hop?
[ ] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?
[ ] Do you believe he's alive?
[ ] Do you like afro's?
[x] Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?
[ ] Do you like to dance?
[ ] Do you own any Baby Phat or G-Unit?
Total [1]

--EMO--
[x] Do you cry often?
[x] Do you wear hoodies?
[x] Do you like soft music?
[x] Do people not understand you?
[x] Do you write your own poems?
[x] Ever dyed your hair red, black or dark?
[ ] Do you cut your own hair?
[x] Are you lonely?
[x] Is Hawthorne Heights a good band? [Obviously]
Total [8]

--SURFER--
[ ] Do you surf?
[ ] Do you wear flip flops year-round?
[ ] Is your hair shaggy?
[ ] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?
[ ] Do you own Many pairs of shorts?
[ ] Do you yearn for the smell of salt water?
[ ] Do you want to be at the beach right now?
[x] Do you hate tourists?
Total [1]

--GEEK--
[ ] Do you wear glasses?
[ ] Do you use an inhaler?
[ ] Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets?
[ ] Does your mom pick out your clothes?
[x] Are you on the computer often?
[x] Do you ever get picked on?
[ ] Do you look forward to going to school?
[x] Are you shy around the opposite sex?
[x] Do you play video games?
Total [4]

--JOCK--
[ ] Do you own alot of nike, addidas, or underarmor?
[ ] Do you love the smell of fresh cut grass?
[ ] Are you constantly worrying about being inshape?
[ ] Do you let people know its game day by yelling it throught the halls?
[ ] Do you play 2 or more sports?
[ ] You know alot of people just from playing a team sport?
[ ] You love grass stains, mud, and hurting people
[ ] A whistle blowing pumps ur addrenalin
[ ] Are you very school spirited?
Total [0]

--MILITARY BRAT--
[ ] Do you own any boots?
[ ] Is your hair buzzed?
[ ] Do you wear Camo more than once a week?
[ ] Do you Airsoft/Paintball?
[ ] Do you call people you don't like 'Civi's'?
[ ] Do you know what Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo means?
[ ] Do you not like Hippies?
Total[0]

Drama Dork: 0
Redneck: 1
Goth: 8
Skater/Punk: 5
Prep: 1
Hippie: 1
Gangsta: 1
Emo: 8
Surfer: 1
Geek: 4
Jock: 0
Military Brat: 0


Haha xD Well, that took up a few minutes of my time. The time I should be spending writing my geographic essay, but can't really be bothered 'cause whatever I write will be shit and I don't have a clue what to write anyway.

Oh well. it'll probably be rushed at about 11pm tomorrow night. As usual.

[xxx]

Wow...great...just perfect...and i have nothin' to write...cause i'm empty now...after such a "perfect" day... Just...:

Let me tell you how it feels
To feel like you're a failure
Been climbing out this gutter
For what seems like it's forever
But one thing I must make clear
The struggle of these years
Has made every scar the stronger
My lust for life the longer
I will fight for what I love
And I will fight for those I care
I will fight at anytime
And I will fight anywhere
With my heart aimed at this world
Destiny I watch unfurl
I'll wipe away the tears...

And this...:

These colors will not change
You change the way I see them
These words will fade
when you explain why you hate them
we are the same

She keeps repeating all that she needed
She says she's right here, she seems so distant

Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry

Just a few last hours, we gotta make this count
We're counting backwards
(Just a few last hours, we gotta make this count)
We're falling forwards.

She keeps repeating all that she needed
She says she's right here, she seems so distant

Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry

Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry

Saying sorry we're falling apart
wish we knew this from the start
Saying goodbye's the hardest part
Wish we knew this from the start

Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry

Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry

Saying goodbye this time, this time
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry

Hawthorne Heights <3

Maybe something happened to me...i don't know...well...it feels like somebody just splited my head out..and took my mind away...I'm like forgot all sorrows and joys...nothin in my head but absolutely new feelings in my heart...and it kinda shatter me...bang-bang...and smth like it's not me...

I wanna close my eyes and fall into a deepest ever sleep...
I just wanna run away from all the troubles now we keep...
Day after day I feel so empt' to even wipe away this pain...
I burn the candle at both ends to make you bleeding through like rain...

So let's find the tallest building and scream at the streets below
as you turn to me and say they're not worth our spit anyway
Talk us down, talk us down from this ledge
As we inch even closer to our death we're showing off our talents
We're good at losing balance
As we make the pavement our home
Letting go of all, all that we've known
The cities never sleep when we're gone
The streets call out our name, the lights aren't the same for so long
and it's wrong to keep them waiting!!!

Oh...today i was on the seminar about injury of cigarrets, alcohol, narcotic.. and so on...Well, i've solved to be a straightedger!!! Ya...i will be a good girl!!! Though...

Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath.
this is why I walk to the ocean.
swim with sharks and jellyfish.
I may never get this chance again.
this is why if you want to kiss you should kiss.
If you want to cry you should cry, and
if you want to live you should live...

I'm sick or anyway smth like that))It's great that today i'm fine. Maybe smth wrong, but i don't care! Cause what is our life exist for? I don't think that it does for endless offences! Fuck of the sorrow! God, am I crazy? No...That is why 'm still here...even if my brains prepare to shatter xDD..Like always sitting and painting...and yeeeep...emo sux!xD

Oh..ya...spending so much time to find an answer on the question :who am
I...i was finally upset...mmh.. well it's much better just to ignore this rage on the whole world but.. it's impossible. Oh God, I'm soo stupid...i just can't realize the posibility that i will ever be happy... I'm just like a little girl who lost her "teddy" bear...and crying on the roadside...
I'm absolutely crushed and maybe it's not the worst thing that ever happens to me...ya i want a perfect fucken friend...but he's not exist...

The Spill Canvas <33

"The Tide"

And there's three, count 'em three
Children playing on the beach
They were eager to learn,
To be taught and to teach

There's Veronica
She's biting her lip
As she watches the waves turn white at the tip
And there's Vada
Radiating with joy
And luckily she still can't stand the sight of a boy
And lastly there's Dade
His hair dances in the wind
And he's wondering what love is
And why it has to end

And he can't understand
How everyone goes on breathing when true love ends
His mother whispers quietly...
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax so forget anything that you have heard
And live for the moment now

And there's three, count 'em three
Children growing on the beach
They were eager to learn,
To be taught and to teach

There's Veronica
She's licking her lips
As she waits for her real, first passionate kiss
And there's Vada
Can't admit her jealousy
Of her sister Veronica, and how she's so pretty (and how she's so pretty)
Lastly there's Dade
Still sitting on the dock
Ponders his life, and he skips his rocks
And he wonders when his father will return
But he's not coming back

And he can't understand
How everyone goes on breathing when true love ends
His mother whispers quietly...
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard (forget everything)

And there's three, count 'em three
Children missing from the beach
They were eager to learn,
To be taught and to teach

But the sad thing
Is that they never lived passed the age of fifteen
Due to neglect from their mother
Who was bed ridden by her ex-lover, their father
She didn't even notice, or pay much attention
As the tide came in and swept her three into the ocean
Now all her advice, it seems useless

No, heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love's completely real, so forget anything that you've heard
And live for the moment now

I want one. It's not fair. That one person that would always be there for me as I would be for them, someone who would always notice if I was upset, even without asking, someone who would hug me just to say hi, not for any reason, someone who could always cheer me up and spent just as much time at my house as they did at their own. The person I could tell all my secrets to. Someone who understands me, more than I understand myself.

='[

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies."

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I would be at the bottom to catch them."

^^^^^ I fucking would! ^^^^^